The Eagle - A Short Story

I admired it immediately. That moment the eagle glided almost angelically overhead, spiralling upwards in the spring thermals. The milky blue sky framed the feathered creature perfectly. I was in awe of its expansive wingspan and feathered legs tucked under its wedged tail. I revered that the slightest angle adjustment would alter its flight path so easily. I couldn’t look away.

I didn’t.

I never noticed while I was so engrossed marvelling at its effortless flight; it too was eyeing me. Summing me up. Deciding if I was a food source; delectable even. But I couldn’t see passed its beauty and the promise of good things enveloped me. With each step, a warmth spread through my vessels like a transfusion of perfectly tempered chocolate. It drew me in; I had to follow the eagle. I trailed after it so far, I forgot where I had been. Was I lost or had I lost myself?

Nothing else mattered. Utterly consumed, I simply could not turn away. Step after step I took, staring at the gliding eagle all the while. I had to follow it. Like seas and the moon, a gravitational pull I couldn’t resist or explain. It felt good though – then.

The eagle; majestic, elegant in its long and unhindered smooth circles above. What I couldn’t see, was how hungry it was. How ravishing I appeared to the starved raptor. It needed me as much as I was compelled by it. I could see nothing else.

I kept after it; eyes only for that graceful being in the sky, and into the unknown territories to which it led. Stumbling over uncharted dunes, further from the safety and comfort of what was familiar and dear to me. I was taken by the allure, never noticing the strong, curved beak. Never knowing it was a practised, expert predator.

I had no choice but to follow it. It somehow promised me love, comfort and happiness. A future I craved. I tried to stay level with it but kept me just behind. Certainly - always below. I knew it wanted me there. Like it was going on ahead to check the world for danger. Keeping me safe. It was protecting me. I knew that.

So distantly I traversed in my wonder lust that my past became a blur of memories, fleeting images and emotions. All obscured and nonsensical. I had walked away from everything. Friends and family; all that protection left behind for a yearning coma like existence roaming deserts and mountains as that beautiful, angelic predator led me further into nothing. To nowhere. Where it wanted me.

I stared up for so long, it was only when I tripped and landed on all fours that I realised the ground underfoot was so unfamiliar. Sharp stings littered my palms and fingers and I gasped sitting back onto my heels. Fat tears snaked down my cheeks onto my hands, darkening my silted skin. My chest burned as I thought of my family, and I wished to turn around. Run home. I was clueless as to where I was. My heart rate elevated and each beat bounding.

Completely lost. I cried as I sat on my knees and picked the sharp prickles from my dermal layers. When I tweezered the last, I looked around at my surrounds. I didn’t recognise the shrubs or trees, and they all looked waning, as if in dire need of a good drink. I wondered how long I had been gone. How long I had been walking with my head tilted back, eyes focused to the sky. I rubbed the back of my neck as I stretched it around in circles, wincing as stabbing pains pinged in my shoulder.

A piped whistle brought my attention back to the vast blue utopia above and I knew the bird was calling to me. I knew it was telling me to follow it to safety and happiness. I don’t know how I knew; I just did. I rubbed my cracked lips together as I looked back at my footprints in the soft ground. They seemed to peter out in the distance. If I turned around now, I did not think I could find my way back. I let out a long breath. My guts churned with what might have been hunger, but I could not identify what I hungered for. Parched; my body craved fluid. I spun - searching. No sign of water. Just a few flowers hanging limp from stems clinging to the brown sandy earth. My brow furrowed - even the flowers smelt different here. Musty and lacking vibrancy in colour. Flowers at home always looked bright and plump. Hydrated and with a perfume so intoxicating they permeated your soul. You couldn’t help but to smile. I couldn’t remember the last time I smelt a flower now. That was my old life – before I followed the raptor.

I tried to recollect why I started following that damn bird in the first place. What was so enthralling that I gave up everything to be with it. To follow it to what may be the ends of the earth. I detested that stupid bird now. It whistled again as I scowled up at it. It was another promise of a better life. I had to trust it. My pockets were empty and I had no clue how to survive here. I would die without it. That, I knew.

So, I pulled myself to my feet and we continued as that mismatched team, taking on the land together. But we were not together. It was still above me soaring, even as my steps grew slow and heavy. It kept one eye on me. But it would protect me, nourish me and be there when I needed it most. I knew.

It led me step after dragging step to the base of another insurmountable mountain. I collapsed to my knees and looked to the bird. “I can’t do it anymore.” I managed. My mouth so dry I could barely lift my tongue. The bird whistled to me again. More encouragement. Maybe I could last a little longer. Just a bit further.

I heaved my aching body up, forcing my emaciated legs to hold my torso. Everything hurt. My eyes burned from staring at the bright blue abyss. My mouth blistered. The skin on my arms was peeling. There was not a muscle in my body that wasn’t screaming to give up. Fall back down. Succumb. I managed one painful step, and then another. I kept going. Following the promises of the eagle. I still believed it. It promised me happiness forever. It wouldn’t hurt for much longer.

Loose stones caused me to lose my footing and I stumbled to the ground again. I was so close to the crest now. The bird called to me. I put one haggard hand forward and the opposite knee. I knew something wonderful would be at the top of that mountain. I had to keep going. I crawled. I ached. I heaved forth and upwards, coughing as I gasped in dry air. My mucosa so dry, my lungs screamed. My stomach hurled. I’d never known pain like it.

As I rose to the top of the mountain, I knew I was done. My body could take no more. I collapsed under the skeletal branches of a dead tree. The gnarled grey wood rose high into the endless blue sky. There at the top, sat my eagle.

“I’m dying,” I whispered. “Please, help me.” I knew when I needed it most, it wouldn’t let me down. I still trusted it.

The eagle cocked its head and eyed me for a few moments. I waited, sprawled, with my chest barely rising on each breath. I was dying. My eyelids grew too heavy to hold open and I let the sandpaper lids drift over my eyes. It will save me soon. I waited.

A searing pain exploded from my abdomen and my eyes flew open. The eagle was perched on me with a full thickness flayed chunk of skin dangling from its beak. It threw its head back as its neck gyrated to help swallow it down. Swallow me down. No sooner was that piece gone that it dove into my abdomen again and again. I howled but could do nothing to stop it, I watched on in shock as a piece of yellowed bubbly fat was gobbled down. “How could you?” I screamed. Blood glistening on its beak. “You promised to look after me”. I cried. “You lied.” I wailed as it tucked into my bowel. “You lied!”

That’s when I realised: it was not just a predacious avian. It was an opportunistic scavenger waiting for me to grow weak enough to devour.

I screamed again, as loud as I had left, my eyes scrunched shut. I howled “No!”.

That’s when I woke up. My hands gripping my belly, and face wet with tears. I shoved down the covers to check I was all in one piece and I was. On the outside.

I looked to my left and my husband’s side of the bed was empty. I grabbed my phone and saw it was seven in the morning. He had left for work already. It took a while for the tears to stop flowing. I reassured myself it was just a dream. I lay very still waiting for my breath to regulate. It was just a dream, I repeated.

I rubbed my hands over my whole face. Pushing my fingers into the corners of my eyes and curling them under my eyelids to wipe away the tears I cried in my sleep. The tears that fell while I was being murdered by the one I trusted most. I sat on the side of the bed and let the cool air into every pore. I needed to make sure it was real, to feel something. Frigid and goose pimpled I went to use the toilet. Then stood at the bathroom sink, letting my fingers run under the tepid water. They were shaking. I knew it was time. I looked in the mirror at the dark circles under my eyes. My skin hung loose from my jowls. I looked almost blue – mottled. Dead.

I turned the tap off and ran the shower. When it came to temperature, I stood under the near scalding water to see if I could feel something. I wasn’t dead, not quite. Almost every part of me felt gnawed at – gone. But I wasn’t dead. I was just stuck and had been for a long time. My husband was not what he promised to be. He controlled every aspect of my life. I knew trying to leave him would be scarier and harder than staying. It was easier to sit tight, placate and behave the way I’d learnt to manage his moods. Sit it out. He might change.

But no – now I knew I had to go. I realised that he was not ever going to give me the love, comfort, safety, pleasure or security that he always promised. It was all just one big dream. A nightmare.

I didn’t stay in the shower long. I switched it off, got dry and threw on some jeans and a woollen jumper. I jogged around the house, grabbing what I could and threw it into a bag. I hurled the bag over my shoulder, leaning forward under its weight and latched my handbag across my body. Without looking back, I opened the front door. I was not coming back.

The smell drew me before I focussed on them. I’d never noticed the neighbour’s roses blooming over the side fence. I stopped and snipped one with my nail at the stem before starting down the drive. Holding it to my nose, I inhaled fully. It was the best thing I’d ever smelt.

It was freedom.